Going Back

What I want I can’t have.
What I have, I don’t want.
This is not me.
I look into the mirror,
I am who I see,
But this is not me.

When did I become so tired,
When did I become so tried.
Who caused these tear-soaken cheeks.
Who caused these tear soaked pillow cases.
How could this even happen.
When I was so sure, I was finely okay.

Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe I was dumb.
Dumb to think,
I would ever be free.

I look back onto my enemy,
My dearest friend.
Always there, to hide my pain.
This is my life.
The sharpened piece of metal which lay in my hands.
This is my life,
My hope
My freedom.

It’s been so long since we last met,
At a time when blood stained our relationship.
Oh, how I haven’t missed it.
And yet, I find myself edging closer,
Pressing harder.
It is my fear, I have gone back.
And as the hot liquid flows
I know that I have.

Maybe I was wrong,
Maybe I was dumb.
Dumb enough to think.
I could truly be free.